So Much Has Happened Since May...

So I know I have been slacking on this so I have decided to do one now...

So since my last post I have moved out of my sister's house, been on vaca, had a huge fight with my best friend and eneded up severing ties with him, and had fallen in love and then fucked it up so bad that he never wants to get back with me. Oh and I am moving in two weeks.

At the beginning of June my sisters tells me that I am going to have to find a place to stay for two weeks because DCFS was going to be there to look over her house to make sure it was up to their standards so she can open her daycare. I was freaking out at first because I had nowhere to go and I didn't really know anyone that well at the time. So I was running out of time and options and I decided to call my friend Brock and ask him. He said that that was totally fine and that he would love to have me. I am still living with Brock now ;) We had been having so much fun together that he asked me to stay with him until I move at the end of this month. We do EVERYTHING together. We go to club together every weekend, we go out to eat all the time, and we just recently started working out together because I am severely out of shape and he is my motivation. He is literally my best friend in the world and it's going to kill me to have to leave him at the end of the month.

So I started talking to this guy a little over a month ago. I was texting my friend, Amanda, who is his bff and who he was visiting at the time from Spain. I guess he had asked her who she was talking to and so she showed him my Facebook and he said that I was really cute. Well we started texting and actually confiscated Amanda's phone the rest time he was there and we texted almost nonstop all day everyday. When he went back to Spain we started messaging each other everyday on Facebook. This went on for like 2 more weeks and then one Sunday he messages me saying that he thinks he was falling for me (keep in mind that I had never met this boy but that didn't matter to me at the time). I was actually really shocked when he said that because I didn't think a guy as gorgeous as he is could fall for a person like me. But I didn't like for his looks. He was genuinely the BEST guy I had ever talked to in my life. No guy had ever treated me with so much respect before in my life. So we were both falling hard for each other and then some complications happended that I don't really want to get into again because it still hurts to think about it. But basically I said some really REALLY mean things to him that I will regret for the rest of my life and he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. I'll admit that I probably fucked up the best thing that will EVER happen to me and I am going to have to live with that. Most of you are probably thinking, "How could he fall in love with a guy that he has never met before?" Well it is possible. I fell in love with him and he fell in love with me and I hurt him so badly. But I will learn from this. I have to and hopefully I will find someone else somewhere down the road who is just as amazing as he was.

Last week I went to Washington, DC to visit my friend Amanda. We had so much fun. We went to downtown DC and went to the memorials and the took lots of pictures and all that good stuff. She took me to this AMAZING gay bar called Town. it was huge. Two floors with huge dance floors on each floor and really hot dancer boys lol. We also went to VA one day to visit my old Disney roommate Patrick, because that is one her really friends. That is how we met actually. It was really great seeing Patrick. We went shopping and she took me out to eat. I was also there for the 4th of July and we went back to DC that day and spent all day at the National Mall sitting and laying out and napping in front of the Washington Monument and then we watched the fireworks there as well and they were amazing!!! When she took me to the airport on Sunday I actually started crying because I hate goodbyes and I don't know when I will be seeing her again which sucks.

I wanted to move back in with my sister for the last couple weeks that I am here before I move. My best friend, Michael, has been living at my house for a while until he gets back on his feet. Micahel and I have also been arguing a lot lately about stupid stuff. Therefore, Megan said that if I wanted to come to stay with her for the remainder of the time I was in Illinois then Micahel would have to find some place to while I was there because she did not want the risk of us two causing drama which was totally reasonable. I got off work on Monday and went to my sisters house and tried asking Micahel if he could try and find some place to stay so I could spend time with my family before I moved because I don't know when i would be seeing them again. He said that he doesn't know anyone who would take put him up for a couple weeks and that since he just started his new job and he didn't want to leave. I was starting to get really angry and then my sister comes up and sides with him saying that I have Brock to live with so why don't I just stay there. I was absolutely livid. I was hugging my nephew goodnite before he went to bed and I just started crying...actually I was bawling. How could my own sister choose Michael over her own brother? i didn't understand. I picked my nephew up and told him that this will be the last time he would be seeing me for a while and that he must behave for his mother while I was away. As I was saying this I was still bawling my eyes out and he was looking at me all sad with baby blue eyes which made me cry even harder. I called my mum after the boys were and I told her what happened but I could barely get two words out because I was crying so hard. My mum told me that everything would be all rite and to just keep my head and that I will be gone in two weeks and that everything will be better once I was away. I am not mad at my sister. It is her house so I have to do what she says. Michael on the other hand...he has backstabbed me so many times before this that I told him that this was it. I'm so done with him. He's is outta my life for good because he did not even look to see if everyone would put him up. I invited him into to that house when he got kicked out of his friends house, I bought him food, cigarettes, drinks when we went out, everything and this is how I get repaid. Pretty shitty if you ask me. But I am doing better now I guess. I will not be going back to that house while he is there though. I might do something that I will regret later...not that he doesn't deserve it.

So in two weeks I will be moving to Everett, Washington with my other sister, Jessica, and I am SOOOOOO excited. I don't think were actually leaving till August 11th or something but my last day of work is July 31st and she is flying in from Everett on that day and were staying at my parents house for like a week and a half and then I'll be going out there and I couldn't be happier. It is time for me to move again. When I move out there, I think it will be a year from when I moved down to Florida. I will be out there for 8 months I think, Jessica is out at sea (she's in the Navy) and then I will either stay with her when she gets back or move back to Orlando, which is what I want to do. One thing is for sure though: I will NOT be coming back to Illinois. There is nothing for me here and I hate it with a passion. Not the people just the state itself. There is one man who I will so so so so so much when I move. He is such an amazing guy and if I could make him mine I DEFINITELY would. But he has a job here already and family so it is not going to happen unfortunately. But we are going to stay the best friends of course. I am going to miss a LOT of people when I move, but the two people who I am going to miss the most are Brock, my BEST friend in the entire world, and Brent, words cannot describe what that man means to me. I will probably cry when I have to say goodbye to those two, Brent especially. But I will be ok. I am off to bigger and better things and I am so excited for the future.

So this was REALLY long and I do apologize for that. I'll make sure to keep up with this from now on!

Live, Laugh, Love

Drama Sucks...

So my night has totally sucked for the second night in a row...

When I was at work I went on Facebook on my Itouch and saw that my sister had updated her status to "Welcome to Megs!! Get your shit and get out!!!" When I saw that I was a bit concerned because I thought something had happened between her and my friend who was living here. I commented on it but she never wrote back..

When I got home I went straight to the office because that's where my friend usually is when I get home. He wasn't there, Megan was and she looked beyond pissed. I asked her what was wrong and she said that if I had a problem with her I should have come to her and not gone to somebody else. I told her I didn't  have a problem with her and I asked her what she was talking about. She told me that I should not have been pissed off that she didn't let me take the van to Champaign last weekend and that if I had a problem living with her then I should have gone to her. I knew exactly what was going on now and I asked her where my friend was. She told me that he was down in my room sleeping.

I went down there and FLIPPED on  him. I did tell him some stuff about Megan but I did not think he would go back and tell her. I got out of the house after that and walked with my friend Brent. He always knows how to calm me down which is why I love him so much. So we walked for a bit and then he bought me McDonald's and then we went back to his house and watched American Idol. I was dreading coming back home because I knew I had to talk to Megan about everything I was just scared to. Brent told me that everything was going to be ok.

So I come back and Megan and I talk about everything. I guess it got out that I hate living here and that I can wait to leave which is only partially true. I cannot wait to leave but I do not hate living with my sister. Yes it can be overwhelming at times but it is better than living with my parents. Megan let's me do whatever I want, whenever I want and she never gives me shit about anything. There were some tears shed tonight as well but we worked it all out.

Megan and I are ok now and I am not mad at my friend either but I think he is mad at me because when I came home and freaked out on him I didn't let him explain himself. When I tried talking to him after talking to my sister he didn't really want to talk to me. He said he is used to having everything blamed on him without him even having a chance to explain himself. I don't know exactly what was discussed between him and Megan because I obviously was not here so I don't know what to believe now. I want to believe my sister because she is obviously my sister but she also likes to stretch the truth sometimes. I want to believe my friend because I don't think he would tell my Megan the things I told him about her. Who knows tho...

The main thing is is that I am not angry anymore. it is water under the bridge. I just hope that tomorrow night will be whole lot better than the past two nights have been and that this thing will work itself out.

I love you Michael and I don't know where I would I be without you in my life right now. We will get through this because Besties always get through the tough times...

Live, Laugh, Love

My Plans Have Changed...

So...my plans have changed a bit...well a lot actually lol. My friend Amanda and I have decided that we are not going to Vegas after all but I am going to fly out to Washington D.C. where she lives for a week to visit her. I will be going the same time that I was supposed to be going to Vegas June 28th thru July 5th so it's not that big of a deal.

I have also decided that I WILL be moving to Washington State after I come back from D.C. I had originally decided to do that yesterday after my horrible day at work, but I decided to sleep on it, which I did, and I decided that it is what I should do. I think my decision is the best thing for me. Everyone knows how much I hate Illinois and I cannot WAIT to get out. Yes I will miss you (you know who you are) but it is what I have to do to be happy because I am SOOOO not happy right now lol.

I have no idea if I am going to come back or not. I still have time to think about it but if she lets me, I might ask Jessica, my sister, if I can just stay with her when she comes back. I know I am not going to miss Illinois when I leave, even though I will miss the people in it. I will let everyone know my decision when I have made it (even though I kind of already have but I need to think about it more lol). Plus when I am in Washington I will be closer to Michael when he moves which is FABULOUS lol. He keeps me laughing all the time and I am going to be at a loss when he finally has to leave. I told him tonight that he should just stay till July and we can move together. He said he will think about it. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!!!!

Work was SOOOO much better today. Almost ALL of my calls were nice and friendly and I made three sales and got a $25 gift card to Wal-Mart which I used to buy groceries today. This day also FLEW by which is good. Hopefully it will be like this the rest of the week

So those are my plans and I am really excited about how my life is going at the moment!!!

Live, Laugh, Love

My Job REALLY Sucks...

What a day from hell. This day has been one of the worst days I have had in a while. I knew this week was going to be a tough one but I did NOT think today was going to be so bad.

ALL of my calls today were from angry bitchy pissed off  irate customers. I had migraine after just being there a half hour. I almost had a breakdown towards the end of the day it was going that bad. I also got my first verbal warning today because I have been late from my breaks three times so that did not brighten my mood either. I strongly thought about quitting today as well but I know I am not going to do that. This is the best job that I can have at the moment and I am not going to let one REALLY bad day make me throw it away.

I am really thinking about not going to Orlando in August, though, and just moving out to Washington as soon as I get back from Vegas. Or I might just skip Vegas and go to Orlando June 28th thru July 5th and then go. I just need to get out of this place. I have no desire to be in Illinois whatsoever. But we shall see what happens but I think I am going to talk to my sister and see if I can move out there earlier...

Deryk~I am going to cancel one trip. Do you think I should cancel Vegas and come to Orlando or go to Vegas and not come Orlando?

So My Weekend Didn't Turn Out Too Bad...

So my weekend turned out pretty well after all ;). Friday night, like I mentioned in my last blog, Michael and I went to the movies and X-Men which was fucking fantastic. Then we came home and hung out blah blah blah yall know the rest.

Saturday we hung out with my sister and helped her landscape the front yard. Well, Michael helped her, I mostly watched because I hate dirt and mud and stuff like that. I'm weird I know lol. Later Hillary came over and her and my sister went to eat at Buffalo Wild Wings in Mattoon while Michael and I stayed home with the nephew. When they got back, Michael and I got ready and then the three of us went to Champaign to go C Street again. It was really bad there last night, though, so we didn't stay that long. We decided to go to Joe's Brewery right by U of I. It was amazing. A hell of a lot better that C Street that's for sure lol. While Michael and I were dancing on the speakers or whatever they were I started to get really lightheaded and then I passed out lol. That was the first time. The second time I blacked out for a minute or so because the next thing I knew I was being carried out by these two guys. The funny thing is I didn't drink that much. Between Michael and myself I had one Vodka Cranberry and two glasses of Bud Light. I think it's because it was so fucking hot in Joe's and the place was PACKED.

Sadly when I blacked out I lost my black Calvin Klein hat. I am going to miss it a lot. But I can get another one soon hopefully ;).

This week is going to be fucking torture for me. Tomorrow I work from 10:30 to 7 like usual, but Tuesday through Friday I am working 8am to 7pm because I signed up for overtime. I am going to love the paycheck but I am going to hate working for it. Then Friday after work my sister, my nephews, and myself have a three hour car drive. We are going to my parents for Mother's Day. Oh and Michael is coming as well since he is living with us now. I'm excited that I won't have to deal with my family all by myself now lol. So yeah this week is going to be a long one and if I don't update this everyday like I usually do it's because I am extremely exhausted and I don't have the energy to...

Live, Laugh, Love

In Response...

So my weekend isn't going quite the way I planned. I was planning on meeting this boy today but I guess Fate had other plans lol.

Yesterday, I was at work and I got a text message from a friend of mine needing help. Me, being the great friend that I am, decided to help him because I knew he would do the same for me. When I got home from work I was kind of freaking out because I didn't know what was going on and I knew that I had to cancel my date with the boy. I called the boy and explained the situation as best as I could. He said he was disappointed and I told him I was too because I also really wanted to hang out with him but a friend in need is a friend in need and my friend didn't have anywhere else to go.

So my friend got to my house around 9ish I think it was. I was still talking to my boy on the phone but I had to hang up because my friend had to tell me what was going on. He told me the story and now he is going to be staying at my house for as long as he needs to. Last night we went and saw the new X-men movie which was fantastic and then we went and got some beer from the liquor store and then went to Wal-Mart to get some stuff and  then we came back to my house to hang out. That's when things started to get out of hand.

We had gotten back form Wal-Mart and were just chilling and my boy started texting me all this stuff about my friend for no reason. I don't know where it came from and I don't know why. My boy DOES know that I think my friend is incredibly attractive and he also knows that nothing is ever going to happen between us because is already IN a relationship and nothing is going to change that.

I was extremely upset that my boy could say what he said about my friend when he doesn't even know him or the story. I am still upset but I can't let it affect my weekend. Everything happens for a reason and I guess me and my boy were not meant to hang out this weekend.

To My Boy-I still think you are the sweetest person ever and I know you are sorry for everything that went down last night and I accept your apology. But you need to not be so overbearing...especially this early. I am a big boy you know and I can take care of myself lol.

To My Friend~I do not for a SECOND regret taking you in. I know what you have been through and I'll be damned if I was going to let it happen again. I love you so much and I am glad that you got a hold of me (even though you did freak me the fuck out when it wasn't you that was texting me from your phone lol.) I actually don't want you to leave lol. It's nice to have another gay man in the house lol. But I know you have to leave me soon but it will not be forever, I can promise you that...

Live, Laugh, Love

Vegas and A Boy...

What goes on in Vegas...STAYS in Vegas. That WILL be the case when I go there June 28th thru July 5th. My friend Amanda texted me tonight and told me that she is getting my plane ticket tomorrow morning. I am SOOOOO excited. I don't have to pay for the plane ticket OR the whole hotel which I think is amazing but also not necessary but Amanda insists and you do NOT cross her. I will be forever in her debt that's for sure. This is going to be like the 21st birthday I never had lol. I plan on taking a TON of pictures and putting them on Facebook and Myspace so none of y'all are going to be left out I promise. It's going to be me, my old roommate Patrick from Disney, Amanda, and I think a couple of other people. I cannot WAIT till June gets here.

So there is this boy I have been talking to for the past week. He knows he is too lol. I first started talking to him last Saturday online and he told me that he was going to be might be going to C Street that night, the gay bar in Champaign, and I told him that I was going to be there as well for a friends birthday. I actually totally forgot about our conversation until I was at the club standing by the entrance with some of my friends and low and behold there he was introducing himself to me. I can honestly I was shocked (and I have told him that already) and I did not say much because I didn't really know what to say. I didn't talk to him again for the rest of the night, but as I was leaving I saw him by the door and gave him a big smile ;).

I think we started texting each other the next day and we have texted everyday since. At first I told him that I didn't think that I would ever date someone like him mainly because if his age and I have had bad experiences with that. But it was either last night before I fell asleep or this morning when I was getting ready for work, it just hit me, he seems a lot different then all those other guys I have dated in the past. He is sweet, sincere, and I know he would never do anything to hurt me. It is true that we do not each other that well as of yet but hopefully we will soon enough. We get to see each other on Saturday after I get off work and I am really excited about it. Now, mind you, I am going to take my time on this. I always seem to rush into things and I'm the one that always gets hurt so I am going to take it slow. But hopefully I am right that this one is different than all the rest. Hopefully there will be something there. But like he said...if it does not work we will still be the best of friends. I could not agree more. I have not told him this yet...but whenever I meet a new guy he is stuck with me for life...I am not going to lose him without a fight.

I know you are sleeping now sweetie...sweet dreams and I will be seeing you soon enough...

Live, Laugh, Love

 

IM MOVING...Again!!!!

Yes it is true...I am once again moving out of state. Last night I was talking to my sister, Jessica, on Facebook who is in the Navy. She is getting deployed in September for six months and asked me if I wanted to move out to Washington State where she lives and look after her apartment while she is gone. At first I was a bit skeptical because I had never actually lived on my own before and I'll be further away from family than I have ever been before in my life. But then I decided that this will probably be a good thing for me. Yes I will be on my own but I am sure I will make some new friends and have a blast. Yes I will be very far away from my family but that is why the phone and internet was invented so I can always get a hold of them. Besides, I will only be gone for six months and I will be coming back to Illinois because it rains a lot in Washington and I don't deal with rain that well lol.

I will be leaving in mid August I think.  Jessica said I could come out sooner but I am planning on going to Vegas for a week in June and then to Orlando for week at the beginning of August. I will probably be leaving soon after returning from Orlando...well that is the plan as of right now anyway.  I am thinking of this as another College Program only because I will be gone for six months. It will not be the same as the College Program because I will not be working at the Happiest Place on Earth but it's all good. All I am asking is that there are some good gay bars there because I am sure I am going to want to go out once in a while lol.

So wish me luck. I will keep y'all informed on everything that is happening like when I am for sure moving and stuff. This is going to be one exciting adventure!!!!

Being Sick Sucks ASS!!!!

So I feel like I wanna die rite now. I don't know what's wrong with me it just came on all of a sudden.  I'm losing my voice, my nose is running like crazy, and now my back is killing me as well. I stayed home from work today and slept ALL day and I still feel like death. And to top off the nephews are screaming their heads off  which is giving me a fucking migraine :( Lets hope by tomorrow I'll be feeling better because I have to go back to work and it's going to suck if I still feel like this.

Thanks to Michael, Eric, and Leah for checking up on me. I really appreciate it.

One of the BEST Weekends Ever!!!!

So my weekend started at like 11 am on Friday. My friend Hillary and I both got off work early because it was slow. We decided  to go to Buffalo WIld WIngs for lunch. I was supposed to be goin on rollerskating with this boy that nite and Hillary said I should text him and see if he wanted to come to lunch with us  and he said sure.  Michael is HILARIOUS and very cute I mite add lol. After Bdubs we all went to the crappy little mall there in Mattoon so Hillary  could pick out an outfit for Saturday.

That night after picking Hillary's son up from the babysitter, the four of us went rollers skating in Mattoon and had a TON of fun. Michael was a little tipsy when we picked him up from his house and it was funny watching him fall down on the skating rink. When we were playing wipeout I fell and ripped my favorite pair of jeans and fucked up my camera but I still had a great time. After roller skating we all went back to Hillary's apartment to spend the night. Michael and I were up till like 4am just talking and talking about anything and everything. Then we both fell asleep on her couch lol. It was cute. Hillary told me that morning that she was gonna take a picture of us but she couldn't find my camera lol.

Saturday, the three of us went to Fox Ridge State  Park for Gays in the Park. We didn't really hang out with them  the whole time because it was kinda boring so we decided to go hiking and take pictures. The pictures turned out AMAZINGLY. We had a blast doing our little photoshoot. When we got back to my house and looked at them we said we should turn them in to a modeling agency lol.

Last night, Hillary, her some of her friends, Michael and I all went to Champaign to go to Chester Street Bar, the gay bar there. We had SOOOOO much fun. Michael is by far the BEST dancer I have EVER danced with in my life...well he is Latino so that's probably why lol. And when LoveGame by Lady Gaga came on...lets just say that things got REALLY heated up between the two us. I've come to love that song a WHOLE lot  more lol. We left the bar at 2 when it closed and went to Denny's in Tuscola to get some food in us cuz we were all starving our asses off and EXTREMELY dehydrated. I haven't danced that much or that hard since I was in FLorida.

We got back to my house at like 4am exhausted beyond belief. Hillary passed out on my couch with her son (my sister babysat  him while we were gone) and Michael and I passed out on my bed. This was by far the best weekend I have had since I have been home from Florida and I will never forget it!!!

                                                    

Walking...

So everynite (when it's not raining of course) i go for a walk. They usually take about an hour or so. It gives me a chance to clear my head after a long day. I think about a lot when I'm walking. About my how my love life is nonexistent and how sucky that is. About my family and how screwed up we all are lol. About Disney and how much I miss it. About how I should not have fucked up down there and went to work when I was supposed to and. About this boy that I really like and not knowing if he likes me or not. About how blessed I am about having an amazing sister who is letting me stay with her rent free. About not knowing if I am going to certify at the end of the week and being able to keep my job. About all my friends still down in Florida and how much I miss them.

I think about all of these things and probably more as well...I love my walks because they get me out of the house for awhile and that is always good...especially when you live a 6yo and a 2yo lol.

Live, Laugh, Love

So....

Yeah so this is my first blog. Derek told me to do set one of these up cuz he thinks I talk too much, which really is true lol. So today was my first day of Certification Week at the job. Basically if I dont certify by the end of the week I get fired so im kinda a nervouse wreck rite now lol.

I've also been thinkin about whether or not I should really go back to school in the fall or just keep workin and save up enough money to move back to where I belong. I've decided with the latter. I can always go back to school after I am down in Florida for a year. And besides I need to pay off some of my current student loans before I can even think about tackin on more. I am excited about moving back home. Like I said it is where I truly belong and there is no other place where I want to be.

I think that is enough for one day. Thanks to Derek who told me about this. I wish I would have known about this before when I was down at Disney ;)